


I Guess Even Love Has it’s Problems

by TheFlamingomancer



Category: The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time
Genre: Anachronistic, Archived Fanfic, F/M, Fantastic Racism, Funny, I Did Not Create This, Lost from the Internet, Old Internet, Out of Character, Pregnancy, Romance, Soap Opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26038015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlamingomancer/pseuds/TheFlamingomancer
Summary: An ancient fanfic I saved from the internet of ages ago on my iPhone.It reads a lot like a soap opera with valley girls.
Relationships: Link/Nabooru
Kudos: 1





	I Guess Even Love Has it’s Problems

**Author's Note:**

> I DID NOT CREATE THIS FANFIC, I FOUND IT ONLINE AND CANNOT FIND THE ORIGINAL LINK!
> 
> I DON'T KNOW THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR, UNLESS IT IS "Flick's Revenge"???

Flick’s Revenge

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Guess Even Love Has it’s Problems

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun slowly crawled up the pale blue sky. The last star vanished with no trace. Flowers took their time opening, sending spurts of bright colour scattered across Hyrule Field. It was ten years after Link’s adventure in Termina. A sharp whinny filled the air. Link gently kicked Epona in the sides, holding loosely on to the reins. “Thats great, Epona! ‘K, how 'bout a trot?” Tightenig his grip and shortening the reins, Link grabbed the neck-band and kicked Epona sharply.

They raced through the trees, branches and leaves smacking Link’s face. It made it difficult but Link somehow managed to rise up and down with Epona. As he sped across a wooden bridge, sharp hooves clacking, Link vaguely saw a figure with a shock of green hair as they sped into a canter. Link stopped at the end, and tied up Epona. Then he reached his destination: Kokiri Village.

Saria ran straight for him. Laughing, Link swung her high into the air, whirling her around. Then he tickled her in all her ticklish spots. Saria flicked a green strand into Link’s eye.

“Take that!”

“Oooh come here!!” They spent all morning playing, and at 5 to 12 the Kokiri gathered around him, begging him to stay. Link laughed, patting a girl on the head. “Nah sorry, kids. I’m having lunch with someone.” They were immensely disappointed, but Link faithfully promised to visit soon, and they cheered up. Link pulled out the Ocarina of Time, and played the Requiem of Spirit.

“Link! Hi! You arrived by ocarina, I see!”

“Hey Nabooru!” Link smiled as he drew nearer her.

“Hey–I got a table set up in that room there. I’ll just be a mo putting starters on, 'K.” As she left, Link thought once more about how beautiful she was. So fiery. So independent. Link loved her sooo much. As she returned, Link desperately tried to NOT cry out: “I love you!!” but he failed. The Spirit Temple was silent. The usual soft music hummed quietly in the background, and Nabooru just stood, and stared. Then Link dumbly held out his arms. Nabooru giggled uneasily, like laughing at a joke made up by someone with a poor sense of humour. She walked towards him slowly, arms out. She looked a lot like Frankenstein and that kind of worried Link but his love for her was too great, to be afraid.

They dumbly hugged each other. Then Link gazed into her yellow eyes, and touched her lips softy with his own. They finished all three courses in silence, but when Link arrived at Lon Lon Ranch to get some eggs, he leapt up with joy as he told Malon. “…It was just sooo wonderful! She’s like…like…heck, she’s as pretty as Zelda!”

“Despite her nose.” spat Malon acidly, who loved Link more than anything else.

“Ah her nose! The centre of ALL her beauty!”

'YUCK!’ thought Malon. But to Link she said: “Really? You have an ODD way of looking at things, Link…” Malon fluttered her eyelashes at him, hoping to catch his attention of HER beauty, but he was babbling on SO much about his dear, sweet, GORGEOUS Nabooru, that she decided to ruin their relationship, but how?

~5 Months Later~

Nabooru squeezed Rauru’s hand. Rauru patted her gently on the shoulder, as he led her up the aisle. The Requiem of Spirit was being sung by the monks, who usually sang the Song of Time. Link stared at Nabooru. She was wearing a pure white veil over her mouth, and her long, red hair hung loose. She was wearing a skanty white top with a triforce embroidered on the top. Her trousers were slightly different, they were a little slimmer, with a triforce sewn onto the seat of them. She wore golden shoes instead, and her belt was a PURE huge rupee. She was wearing her usual white gloves and heavy jewellery.

Link’s mouth hung open. She looked AMAZING!! Link looked pretty good, too. White tunic and cap. With gold silk hose and shirt. His belt was highly polished brown leather with a gold triforce buckle. And, lastly, his boots were bright red (again with gold triforce buckles) and his gauntlets were the Golden Gauntlets.

Nabooru smiled shyly. The wedding was wonderful. But Malon sat, in her black mourning clothes, glaring all the way through. After the wedding, Nabooru took Link to Gerudo Fortress, his new home. They entered Room 500, Nabooru’s 'flat’. It had a bedroom, a kitchen/Dining room, and a bathroom. Link nodded at all Nabooru’s stolen riches, though most of it was passed down through her family lines, and she had promised not to steal anymore. “Breakfast is served at 8:00–9:00. If you miss it, theres a perfectly good kitchen here.” Link nodded and grinned, and they got into bed…

“Link, I keep getting sick in the morning!”. Link looked up from cooking lunch.

“What should we do, Nab?”

“Call the docter! Quick, for godesses sake!!” Link nodded and sped out the door, down the stairs, and rushed into the docter’s room. Rita–the docter–looked up and smiled. “Yes, sir?”

“Rita! *splutter* Oh Rita–Come QUICK! *Gasp* It..it’s *Pant* Nabby!” Rita grinned from ear to ear.

“Uh-huh? 'K, let’s see our leader. hmm…I wonder…?”

Link had to wait outside while Rita inspected Nabooru. It was AGONY. The waiting was, anyway. Rita’s grin was even WIDER when she came out. “Link–your wife wants to give you the good news, I think.” Link entered, sweating slightly, heart pounding. He smiled shakily. “Y…yes, love?”

“Link, how would you like to be a father?”

“A…a father? Uh, yeah! I’d love to! Those sweet li'l Kokiri–they’re sooo brill!”

“Well, congrats, Link–'cause I’m pregnant!”

“Really? Wow. That’s great, Nab!”

~9 Months Later~

“Rita! Rita, Nabooru’s water broke!!”

“Really? Let’s go!!”

Nabooru went into labour about half past four, and the baby came out quarter past nine AM. When it was finally over, Link gazed at his baby. She was just like a gerudo–except for three things. 1. Pointed ears. 2. Blue eyes. And 3. Link’s nose.

“What’ll we call her?”

“Saloolu.”

Malon now knew that she could NEVER have Link, and Talon was bugging her to marry.

“C'mon Mal, I wan’ ya t'be safe, hon.”

“So?”

“So ah’m yer father an’ ya gotta obey me.”

“Tough.”

But eventually she married a young man named Tirong. And soon they had a son named Mirong. In time Saloolu and Mirong grew up. Saloolu was 21, and Mirong was a year younger. One sunny day Saloolu was walking with her parents (who, like Malon, were in their early forties, and were still quite active. They met Mirong, and immediately the two young adults fell in love. Nabooru winked at Link and they left Saloolu with Mirong. “See ya, Salli!” they called. “He’ll be a nice friend for you!”

“Hi…” Blushed Saloolu. She wasn’t that used to men outside her family, being a gerudo.

“Hey…” said Mirong.

“So…”

“Princess of the gerudos, eh?”

“Kinda.”

“I’m Mirong.”

“I…”

“Saloolu?”

“Ummm…yeah.”

“MIRONG!!” called a new, sharp female voice. They turned around. There was Malon, hands on hips.

“Hi, mum! Hey–this girl is–”

“A no good gerudo!!”

“Hey, she’s p…part Hylian…too..”

“Get to the ranch–NOW! And you.” Malon turned to the startled Saloolu. “Shoo! And if I see you NEAR Mirong…” She left the rest unsaid.

Mirong stared sadly at the night sky. Grounded. The moon and stars seemed to smile at him. EVERYTHING reminded him of Saloolu. Especially Saloolu, standing below his window…SALOOLU????!!!!???? He looked down. There she was, beckoning him with a long, painted nail. He nodded, and climbed down. When he reached her, they hugged. “S…sorry about my…mum.”

“It’s OK.”

“Still…I’m sorry.”

“Y…y'know…I’ve been kissed by mum on the forehead by mum, and on the cheek by dad…but…”

“S…same with my parents…”

“I…I’ve never…”

“Not my first…my first…

"PROPER kiss…”

“We could…” Mirong looked at her…They pursed their lips…Slowly they pressed them together…They stood there together for a minute or two, before breaking away…

“Thanks, Mirong…” They joined hands and walked down to lake Hylia. The night sky was reflected in the clear, glassy lake. Special night flowers–Feldas–started to open. The flowers were pink, purple or blue. Princess Zelda’s favourite colours. Mirong picked a blue one, and gave it to Saloolu. Saloolu smiled at him, staring at the starry night. Suddenly a hand fell on her shoulder. Startled, Saloolu looked up. There was Malon, glowering at her. She shoved poor Saloolu into the lake, snatching her Felda. She then grabbed Mirong, and gave him a sound beating. Both verbally and physically. Saloolu thrashed wildly in the water. She was about to give up when a strong man in a Zora tunic lifted her into his arms.

“Dad…” Nabooru worriedly wrapped a red blanket around her. Rita came running forward, saying something. Everything was so hazy…

“…she’s…she’s DEAD!”

“Link, don’t worry. I’m a PROFFESONAL docter! See, listen to her breathing.”

“Rita…she’s r…right Link…”

“Hey, you’re worried too!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah!”

“D…da…dad…m…mum…”

“Saloolu!”

“She’s safe! Oh Link she’s SAFE!!”

“See, fine. Goodbye.”

“P…please don’t argue…” Saloolu was close to tears.

“Hey, shush, darling. You’re OK.”

“What happened?”

“W…well…” Link frowned as he listened.

“I knew it…”

“Knew what, Link?”

“Nabooru–she hates us and our daughter. She’s JEALOUS of you!”

“Oh my…” Suddenly a fire arrow flew into the room. Saloolu stared. The place was alight!

“Nabooru–get Salli outta here! The chamber of Sages! I’ll get the gerudo kids out. The nursery maids’ll help me. And the gerudo’s will stop the fire. GO!” crying, Nabooru took Saloolu to the chamber of sages.

All the sages were there–Zelda on the triforce symbol. “Nabooru–Malon’s gone mad!” Zelda said. “Her love has become hatred and she’ll do ANYTHING to kill everyone who likes you and your family!!”

“She’s already killed Link–my son” sobbed Darunia.

“And my dad!” cried Ruto. “Along with half the Zoras. Me and some others only just escaped!”

“She set Kokiri village alight.” whimpered Saria.

“And gerudo fortress.” said Saloolu.

“And part of Hyrule castle market town.” sighed Impa.

“And…” began Zelda gravely “she opened the evil realm.” The chamber was silent. Saria whimpered.

“Daddy’ll have t'kill Ganondorf again.”

“That won’t be easy…”

“Then I’LL do it!” Everyone stared, astonished. Zelda smiled.

“In a dream I saw you and Mirong sealing Malon and Ganondorf in the evil realm. I’ll get Mirong and Link.” When they appeared, Zelda explained.

“Are…are you sure?”

“Yes Mirong.”

“Then I’ll do it.”

Malon and Ganondorf were cackling, sending Lighting bolts hurtling towards Lake Hylia.

“Hold it, mum!!”

“Mirong!”

“We’re here to stop you!” said Saloolu coldly.

“AHAHAHAHAHAAA! Hey Malon, let’s teach 'em a lesson, yeah?”

“'K. SUMMON KOUME AND KOTAKE!!”

The witches appeared, circling around Saloolu and Mirong’s heads. The two gripped thier swords, thrashing the women and deflecting their attacks. They combined, 'excellent’ thought Saloolu 'easier to pick off!!’ That was certainly true! Then Ganondorf created a giant Red Chu-chu! They’d never seen one before, and they hacked helplessly at the pink goo. Then Mirong had an idea. He hacked through the disgusting gunge, and reached the heart. He equipped the Biggoron’s sword, and slashed away at it. The chu-chu exploded. Disgusting! Then Ganondorf became Ganon and morphed with Malon!!

“What on Hyrule!!” It sent radioactive Lon Lon milk at them! The battle was awful! Their weapons did NOTHING!! Then Saloolu realized what she had to do. She had taken the Golden Gauntlets. So she put them on, grabbed a chunk of the ranch wall, said a prayer to bless it and…WHAM!

“NOW!!” boomed Mirong, and the sages sealed the two in the evil realm with a big explosion. It was beautiful. Saloolu smiled weakly. The people who died couldn’t be raised, but all the damage was repaired. The sages and Lonk matierialized. Mirong was bent over Saloolu’s body. She wasn’t breathing. Slowly, with tears in his eyes, he bent down and kissed her lips. A great hole in the sky appeared and sent down a red light, a blue one and a green one. It filled Mirong, who passed some on to Saloolu, raising her!! They hugged, and a fortnight later, they married! And had twins. Sirong and Taloolu.

One night Mirong was gazing at the stars, and he sighed. “I guess even love has it’s problems…”

~The End~


End file.
